Thought of the Month-May 2013

Turning 50: The Next Stretch of Road

Happy Birthday to Me!

I turned 50 about 5 months ago, and looking back, it’s been an interesting decade. The stresses of life, getting older, losing friends my age to death, and dealing with menopause made me a “crazy woman.”

Just ask anybody.

I remember turning 40 and the big plans I had. But you know what they say about that-“if you want to see God laugh, tell him your plans.”

And laugh He did it seems.

I’d survived some things in my 30’s and I felt blessed. But my 40’s hit me like a ton of bricks and it only got worse with each birthday. I did not recognize the woman I was becoming, and many days, I didn’t even like her. Still, I found it hard to believe that I suddenly became unglued in the 10 years since I’d hit 40. And I definitely couldn’t be the only one feeling like this.

So I started talking to my friends.

That’s when I found out that they too, were in the midst of this metamorphosis that they couldn’t explain, didn’t like, and had no idea how to handle. And like me, they were struggling to find an identity outside of everything they’d done up to that point. We’d all been mothers, wives, caretakers, soldiers, students, and whatever else life called us to be. But when it came time to be us, we didn’t know how to do that. In fact, we didn’t even know what that meant. No one had ever asked us what we wanted. And we never had the time to think about that, so we didn’t. But before we knew it, OUR time had come, and we were lost – with no map, no GPS, no one riding shotgun to get us past the road hazards.

In my 40’s, I had issues with fibroid tumors, uterine cysts, and an abnormal mammogram or two. It had gone as far as a surgical consultation to prepare myself mentally for a mastectomy if tests determined that was required. Then I turned 49 – thankful to be alive and with “the girls” intact. And after surviving that “close calls,”  I decided I’ll never look back.  

Like many I know, the decade between 40 and 50 literally knocked me flat on my butt. It brought so much inner conflict that most times, I felt like I was my own worst enemy. And sometimes I was. But there were also other forces that came into play: I was struggling to find an identity, wondering who was in my corner, and doubting everything that I knew so clearly in my 30’s. In essence, I just wanted to get in my car and drive far away.

So with only months until my 50^th birthday, I did just that. I drove towards 50 at max speed.

Well, theoretically, anyway.

Not having the luxury of packing up and heading for parts unknown, I sat down at the computer to reminisce about my journey through life so far. And that’s when things began to get clear for me. I was finally able to deal with being abandoned by my dad as a girl and the effect it’s had on my entire life. I also forgave myself for being a victim of the sexual abuse I had suffered. I call myself a “survivor” now. 

 In The Family That Preys, Alfre Woodward’s character has an epiphany when her beloved friend, played by Kathy Bates, passes away. After years of caring for children, grandchildren, and everyone but herself, she decides to close the diner and hit the open road. Finally, she comes to the realization of just how short life really is. She says, “I’ve spent my entire life giving it away. I think I’ll keep the rest for myself.”

For me, it seems the time between 40 and 50 came and went like a flash. And I’m still trying to figure out how I escaped. One thing I do know is that God must have really been looking out for me because so many things changed for the better.  And I’m blessed that He’s allowed me to move into the next phase of life because I now realize that, like Alfre, over the years, I gave away so much of myself, my control, and my life in general to people who weren’t worthy. And it had to stop.

During an interview with Oprah, Usher said that his mantra is “Evolve or evaporate.”

And evolve I have – not so much by choice, but out of necessity. As we all must because the alternative is unacceptable.

So what’s the next stop?

I hear there’s a stretch of road in Texas where you can drive 80.  Think I’ll head in that direction.

I’ll let you know how things turn out.

In the meantime, take control of your life. Own it. Find your path and move towards it with purpose. Travel light, avoid distractions, and remain faithful. God’s waiting at every turn to handle the rest. All you need to do is recognize that, acknowledge it, and trust that He knows the way.

Because He does.

THIS I know for sure, though it did take me 50 years to finally admit it.  I pray that you don’t take as long.

Written By~C. Highsmith Hooks

You can connect with her on Facebook @chighsmithhooks or on LinkedIn chighsmithhooks.

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Thought of the Month-April 2013

When You Hurt, I Hurt

By, Souraya Christine

April is both National Sexual Assault Awareness month and National Child Abuse Prevention month. I, unfortunately, fell into both categories. Well sort of, some of the sexual abuse I experienced was as a child.

The Backdrop

When I was five, I was molested by an older female cousin. When I was seven, I was molested for four years by my mother’s live-in boyfriend. When I was fifteen, I was date raped, and when I was eighteen I was forced into a marriage, held hostage, and beaten and raped daily. I didn’t have a father because I was lied to about whom my father was, which took a drastic toll on my whole persona.

The Outcome

These experiences left a hole in my soul. I was unable to trust, love, or experience many other emotions other than anger and hate. Over time I learned to mask these feelings, or so I thought. People wondered why I always “looked” so angry, why I couldn’t keep a boyfriend and why I didn’t have many friends. I justified it all as just having a strong personality. Even the people closest to me, some who had known me since elementary school, had no idea of the hell I had been through. Some of those people learned to accept me for who I was, others chose to walk away. It didn’t matter much to me, at that time, because everyone was suspicious anyway. I believed that everyone who came into my world had an ulterior motive. The worst part is that I treated them as such. My attitude was such that I would not allow anyone to hurt me again. It worked to a certain degree, but I missed out on so much along the way. I started to use sex as a weapon and figured that if I gave it to them then they couldn’t take it from me. I was afraid to say no. Women couldn’t stand my attitude, which caused me to have to fight a lot, and I became very comfortable with being alone.

 ~Does any of this sound familiar?~

 The Growth

In recent years, I started to realize that I could no longer play the victim role. I realized that I was chosen to experience what I had experienced so that I could help someone else who may not feel that they have enough strength to make it through. Perhaps I can help someone avoid suicide or causing harm to themselves or someone else. Perhaps I can help someone realize their own worth, as I finally have. This was and is my purpose.

The Mission

There are so many women and men who suffer in silence behind childhood abuses, domestic violence situations, and so many other atrocities. Someone has to share their story so that these people can see that there is someone out there who understands and can completely relate to how they’re feeling. I am that person. I know what emotions you’re struggling with. Facing these experiences head on is the key. We cannot continue to hide behind masks, stuff our emotions down inside and believe that if we do that long enough, we’ll be okay. Truth is, it just doesn’t work that way. Our kids end up suffering because we have unhealthy emotional baggage, and so do other people around us. It doesn’t have to be this way. Let’s get through it together. This can be your start. Share your story here and we can move on from here.

I love today…and I just want to love on YOU! Trust me, you deserve it.

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Thought of the Month-November/December 2012

A Father Can be Many Things but it Takes a Special Man to be a Dad

 Being a father to me means you have a legal and or biological association with an individual who may technically view you as their parent. The web site www.thefreedictionary.com/father states, Father is a noun – it goes on to say it is a male person whose sperm unites with an egg, resulting in the conception of a child. Moreover, both points of view speak to the autonomy of an action not a way of life or the personal responsibility of the man. Neither points of view show how a man should instill, raise or otherwise guide his child to become a God fearing (Godly respect) productive member of society.

I compare a man having intercourse with a woman and impregnating her to making a donation to a sperm-bank. Moreover, his deposits allows the female to give birth in a set amount of months to a child who looks and perhaps future actions will favor the man who donated or sold his semen to the sperm-bank. Therefore, he as just a donor leaves with the understanding his responsibilities will or has end thereafter the donation. Finally, I am concerned for women who are looking for a relationship that may end up including having children. Whether he donates or receives payment of some-kind for his actions, to him there is no further thought to the welfare of that child and usually not for the woman either.

Now consider a Dad’s point of view in this matter? I see being a Dad quite different from being only a Father. My own personal experience of raising my own child has shown me more about my own father and what kind of man he really is. Raising my own child has shown me what kind of father I am becoming or perhaps a Dad evolving as I consider my long term “effects” on my own child. The key for me is evolving! I must be able to use what I have been taught, experienced as well as understand new techniques to be an effective parent.

Consequently, the website used earlier for the definition of Father offered little in the way of defining a Dad. The definition it showed was that a “Dad” is a noun stating it was an informal word to father. I thought about this for a moment and the scripture Romans 8:15 came to mind, specifically a portion of it: You received God’s Spirit when He adopted you as His own children. Now we call Him , “Abba, Father”. This passage speaks to the heart of a child. A baby who reaches out to their parent for sense of security or love does it because they are familiar with the person as well as their personality.

Moreover, they begin to talk and interact with that parent with a reverence, but in an “informal” manner. They will act in this way because they are familiar with the parent because they understand that the parent will do all that they can to give the child what they need and some of what they want! That is the true essence of a Dad.

Lastly, a man must choose whether he will be an automaton depositing bodily fluids from East to West without caring or understanding the ramification of their actions. They must choose to hold themselves accountable to that end. Be wise enough to seek Godly counsel from those who have went through, conquered as well as proven their commitment to their child or children. It is worth noting that this message is not to put pressure on anyone to think themselves perfect in order to achieve parenting, but rather take responsibility for their actions. Just like others that came before myself- they too will make mistakes as a father, but will continue to be a Dad; never leaving your child alone in the world as long as they live. A Father can be many things but it takes a special man to be a Dad.

Written by Marlon Robinson

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Thought of the Month- October/November 2012

Stop Lying to Yourself

The most difficult thing to be when you are single is, “available!” It means that you have to remain open to the opportunity. Of course we’re comfortable with our own groove and compromise sometimes just seems like a lot of work.  According to the U.S. Census, there are 95.9 million unmarried people in the U.S. of which 47% are men and 53% are women.  Like they say, numbers don’t lie.

Being available is a simple mind shift. It will take a little effort however, if you are that person that is home every date night wondering “why don’t I have a date?” This exercise will help. If you can see yourself happy or content in a relationship then affirm that belief and feeling you will see the opportunities open up for you. It really is that simple. Every day and any moment you think about it, affirm that positive feeling, expect and receive that positivity in your life.

We make dating too difficult. We have these long lists of criteria’s and “deal breakers.” Before you snort and say, “I am not compromising on my standards.” Let me ask you a question.  When was the last time you met ANYONE even CLOSE to your standards? Think hard now; because what you are saying is out of 47.9 million people, no one fits your standards? It could be you. I am just saying

If you are waiting for that right relationship, I challenge you today to change your verbiage. Stop saying you are “single by choice.” You are NOT single by choice, you are single by default. Single by choice means that, you have CHOSEN to be single and single you will remain until you choose something else. IF you are ready for a relationship then you are AVAILABLE. It doesn’t make you weak because you desire companionship, it makes you human. Embrace that desire, and open yourself to the possibilities.

Being available is an act of vulnerability and I understand being vulnerable can be a bit scary. It means you can’t always control the outcome and the fear of the unknown has always limited people being successful. That is precisely why it’s important to embrace being available. I want you to be successful and I know you CAN BE SUCCESSFULL in dating. Be open to the possibility of surprise. Dating is a journey not an event.

Enjoy the JOURNEY!!!

I love you and this is my passion

A’Esha Goins

Author of Official Rules to being Single and facilitator of Singles University

www.IamWisdom.net

www.facebook.com/officialrulestobeingsingle

www.twitter.com/urbanlasvegas

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Thought of the Month-    August -September 2012

 Dad & Moms: Lead by Example ~

A week or so ago on a Saturday afternoon, I was out and about with my two teenage kids; my daughter, nearly 15, and my son, 13. We got hungry and stopped at a fast-food place to get a bite to eat and chill for awhile. I’m usually toting two laptops, and my daughter enjoys jumping on one to check out what her friends are doing on Facebook, while my son like to hop on the other to play online video games.

Before all of that took place, we walked to the front door of the restaurant. My son was first, followed by my daughter, and I brought up the rear. My wonderful son, and he truly is awesome, sometimes forgets to open the door for my daughter before he walks inside a building.

My daughter, knowing how important it is for any male, young or old, to open the door for a female, young or old, stopped in mid-stride behind her brother and said to him, “You know Dad’s not gonna let you get away with that!”

She was right – as she had been the other times he had forgotten, as most young teen males will, one of the most important, basic courtesies of all time. Like before, I politely asked him to exit the entryway in order to conduct a “re-do.” So all three of us clumsily back peddled, trying not to trip over our own feet, several steps from the door to regroup and do things the correct way.

My son knew not to even remotely roll his eyes because if he would have, I would have made him repeat the procedure about ten times to make sure he understood the significance of such an important act of developing character.

We repositioned ourselves again in the exact same order as before. This time, with a smile on his face, when my son approached the door first, he stopped, stepped to the side, pulled it open, and nodded toward his sister to go before him. As I approached the door last, he “faked” walking in before I did, laughed, and also held the door open for his Dad.

“Remember to do that EVERY TIME, okay?” I emphasized to him.

A few minutes later, while we were standing in line at the counter to order, and elderly couple, possibly in their seventies, walked up to me with broad smiles on each of their faces. They were complete strangers. The man looked me in the eye and extended hand. Naturally, I did the same in return. Then, he said to me, “That’s what every Dad should do.” Seeing that I was somewhat perplexed, he went on to tell me that he and his wife were sitting in their car in the parking lot eating ice-cream they had just bought from inside the restaurant, and witnessed our little “re-do.”

 They made it a point to come back inside to let me know they were pleased with what they witnessed. The man then turned to my son, shook his hand, patted him on the back, and said, “What your Dad just did…make sure you teach the same thing to your own son one day.” His wife gave my son a hug, shook my daughter’s hand too, mines again, and left smiling.

Afterward, I didn’t even have to say a word to my son. I just smiled and winked at him. He “felt” the significance of what happened, and more importantly, why. He nodded and smiled. I could tell he was proud of himself, as his sister and I were.

As parents, because we and our family live in a “fast food” society, where everything seems rushed, and we’re hurrying to get here and there as fast as we can, it’s often easy to let some things slide by. Not something like this…ever.

Always strive to lead by example, and remember that our young teen males, or young male children, will be forgetful from time to time. At that tender age, reinforcement of basic principles is vastly important, so don’t let an opportunity for a “re-do” slide by.

Hopefully, my son will remember this day the next time…there’s always a next time, right? LOL!

 Be well everyone,

 Author David Brown

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Thought of the Month- May 2012

What Happened to Chivalry?

I like to believe I am a lady in every sense of the word.  I conduct myself as such from head to toe.  From the way I walk to the way I talk. I try to ensure my appearance boldly edifies grown-woman persona is in the building.  In doing so, likely the type of man I would like to attract is a gentleman to show me some chivalry.  So where is he?  In my thinking, a gentleman would be a man who loves to wine and dine and appreciates a lady’s effort to be beautiful as he carries her on his arm.  I would think a gentleman likes to surprise a woman with flowers for no particular reason at all, maybe taking a long walk in the park while holding her hand, or writing a poem or two to let her know he is thinking of her if that’s his niche.  I don’t think that’s too much to ask for in a gentleman.

While I do recognize that’s my interruption of what a gentleman should do for a woman he is interested in, why is it so obsolete?  Does this make me a hopeless romantic?  In my humble opinion, these are the things that make chivalry relevant, but in reality does it exist still?  Men are not dating women anymore.  Sure we are sleeping with each other, responding to booty calls, and allowing ourselves to get emotionally caught up if the feeling is right.  As with any relationship those things are bound to happen every now and then; were only human.  However, what happen to the days of chivalry?  It wasn’t too long ago when a man would not have had the pleasure of spending any time with a woman if he was not taking her out and showing her a good time.

Women, how did we let such needed prerequisites fall to the waist side and die?  Was it in our ability to become independent and have our own?   Did our independent disposition cause us to lose sight of how a man should treat us if he desired our time?  With independence did we forget how to appreciate the male’s effort to show us he was interested because now a days we could do for ourselves whatever he could do and probably more?  I’m not referring to any gold-digging tactics.  I’m speaking of honest, quality, and well deserve dating between a man and a woman.  That quality time that allows a man and woman to get to know each other through courtship.

What happen to that?  Aren’t we worth it?  What about the men that don’t understand the concept of what it means to spend time dating a woman?  Are men led to believe in this day and age that he is considered soft and not manly enough if he spends that chivalry type of quality time with a woman by taking her out and doing those non sexual things to make her fall in love?  Did men lose their ability to know how to ask a woman out like a gentleman? Is it because these days men don’t have to work hard at getting what they want from a woman.  It seems the demands women placed on men back in the day, in order for them to get a woman to date them, left with the new millennium has created a shortage in gentlemen, especially black gentlemen.

Therefore, the men of today have this mindset that they don’t have to work at proving themselves worthy to one when there are ten more out there that will not require him to work at all in attaining what he wants from them.  We have some men out there that were never taught how to properly date a woman and because this was never corrected or brought to their attention, it never changed.  Especially, when they are receiving desirable results, why would they change or work harder.  Is that the man’s fault?  Or, is it the women who allowed them to not work as hard for the sake of companionship?   Or is it the times that we are living in?  With so much that is wrong and still acceptable, has this placed a strain on chivalry in today’s society?  Or could it be perhaps, maybe we should redefine what chivalry is now a days what will it take to bring it back into mainstream? That is, if we want it back.  As I mentioned earlier, I like to think I am a lady in every sense of the word, so where would you suggest I go to find some chivalry?  Can I have that old thing back?

Written By: A.S. Bailey- Poet, Writer, Songwriter

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Thought of the Month- April 2012

*I spoke with Sarah D. Henson who is the daughter of the great Bishop T.D. Jakes about her writing an article for my blog. She is a great person, and a remarkable writer. I’m glad to have connected with her. Sarah says she will write something exclusively for my site and for my readers when her schedule slows down, but for now I can display this article.  She allowed me to choose one from her website, and I chose this because it spoke to me. It goes perfectly with my website’s theme of helping people be better, particularly women. Enjoy and please check out her website at http://sarahdhenson.com/

I make no apologies for who I am. I am feisty, shy, smart, silly, broken, whole, angry, energetic, tired, lovely, beautiful, boring, exciting ..I am a walking oxymoron and I make no apologies for who I am. My mistakes have made me who I am, my lifestyle has taught me even the most wayward person can change. I believe in love, I believe in the power of God, and I believe in change. And guess what? I make no apologies for who I am.

I’ve made all kinds of mistakes, some you may see, some you may never know. I have said things I wish I could take back, held on to anger and bitterness for far too long and yet I still make no apologies for who I am. I have loved the most hurt person back to health. Helped my dearest of friends in their times of needs. I have brought a smile to the face of people in their darkest times.I know who I am, I know my mistakes do not define me, my anger does not control me, my hope can move mountains, my joy is contagious and my love is overwhelming. You can try and label me, try and use your own small words to define me, but you won’t even get close…nowhere in the ballpark…. because who I am has nothing to do with what you think of me. I make no apologies for who I am.

My feet will be rooted in my own truth of who I am, not the thoughts or opinions of critics. I’m emotional, I love a good cry, cannot live without a good laugh, and anticipate my next great hug. One may call me a sweetheart, another may call me a jerk…Depending on what day it is they may both be right. And that’s okay.. Feel free to be you! Don’t apologize for being too soft or for coming off too hard. If you’re happy with who you are, no wait, if you LOVE, who you are why change for someone else? You answer to one person and one person only and that’s God.

You don’t have to pick a side, people are not just black or white, we are beautiful varying shades of gray. Don’t label me, don’t put me in a box. I love these beautiful scars life has given me, I won’t apologize when you see my scars, see my flaws or mistakes because they have all made me who I am. If you love me for who I am, my past shouldn’t change that.

Don’t change you for them…Change you for you…The people who care for you, will love you even more when you fully embrace who you are. The people who leave when you fall in love with yourself, don’t deserve to have you anyway. Don’t allow someone to place shame on you or your life…You mess up, you apologize, you fix it, and you move on… Don’t let the weight of your mistakes drown you. If you find yourself losing person after person, it may not be them “hating” on you, it could be you not loving you… Love produces love… It’s true everyone may not like you but guess what? That’s their problem not yours. That’s why when you don’t like me, it doesn’t matter because “aint no love lost.” That means you can walk away or you can stay but you can’t change me, loving me.

Don’t apologize for your beautiful scars, and don’t allow someone to keep picking at your wounds. You may not be where you want to be, you may not have progressed the way other’s felt you should have but this is your journey and yours alone. No one (not even you) knows the plan for your life, only God. You know what that means? No one can tell you “You should have been married by now” “You should have graduated earlier.” “You should’ve taken that job” “You should’ve bought that housse” or “You should have divorced her.” ….You know what they should have done? They should have minded their own business and focused on their life.

Get your circle of people who’s opinion you respect and trust and when adversity hits go to that sounding board. Don’t let random people speak into your life or speak into your future. You cannot answer to society and answer to your God. You can apologize for things, apologize for mistakes, but don’t you dare apologize for who you are!

The Bible says, “And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.”

The moment you become comfortable with yourself, your life will prosper. Your prosper may be in self-worth, may be in touching others lives, may be in riches or fames…but you cannot prosper until you plant your feet and refuse to be shifted by the ways of the world.

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Thought of the Month- March 2012

Get it Together Girl!

When a woman approaches a girl about a man, this is a prime opportunity for that girl to step into womanhood, and listen and respect what this woman has to tell her, especially if this woman is giving the girl some valuable information that she should know. This is a major problem that women in our society have with one another. We’d rather get mad at the other woman who didn’t know anything about you or maybe she did, but the guy presented the information to her in a different light like, “oh we’re on the verge of breaking up or she’s not my girlfriend we’re just hanging out” instead of placing the blame on the man who was apparently playing the two of you in the first place.

I’ve seen it too many times, and listening to other women tell their girlfriends about how they beat some girl up because she found out her man was cheating with “said” girl. What! Why would you go beat the girl up when your man is the one that knew he was in a relationship? He’s the one that disrespected you and the commitment the two of you had. Now I know what you are thinking, I’m sure there are a lot of times when another girl messes with a man knowing he’s married or has a girlfriend, and this girl straight up doesn’t care. That is disrespectful, no question about it, but should we still take up our problem with the girl who has not come into womanhood and obviously has some insecurity issues within herself? I say no, I say if the opportunity presents itself and the two of you are in the same space at the same time, the Woman should always remain the woman, and if the girl tries to confront her or wants a little chat with her, then have a sophisticated chat. The woman should let it be known that she has no problem with this girl, and that she is or has taken up her issues with her man or soon to be ex-man hopefully. If the girl gets irate and wants to fight the woman, that is when it should be recognized by the woman and everyone else around exactly what type of trash of a girl she is dealing with, and just walk away.

Side Bar: You hold your value more as a woman when you can place your anger aside, and can be the bigger person by walking away. Your stock goes up, and trust me people notice!

Now I know a lot of us, especially black women have a problem with this, and feel it is necessary to check this girl and to let her know that you aren’t a punk, but really? What does any of that prove? You two on the ground fighting, messing up your hair or your fresh manicure, oh and let’s not talk about if she scratches your face up! Now that’s a mess that I know I’m personally not willing to partake in with me trying to be a bestselling author and all. I have pictures to take, so the risk of fighting with some immature girl who is insecure with herself to the point that she can’t find her own man, then she has to act barbaric to prove that she’s a woman, is simply crazy!!

So you say, well what if it’s the other way around. Maybe this girl is actually the keeper of this man, and the woman is the one who is found to be messing with him? Again, you have to ask the question, did she know? Whether she did or not, the rules of acting like a woman at all times is still applicable to both parties. If “said” woman approached a girl and told her that she just found out they both were being played by one man, and the girl wants to take her anger out on the woman even though the man is standing right there; it just shows that this girl is not mature enough to handle her anger, disappointment or whatever else she may be feeling at that moment. It’s up to the woman at this point to know that she did her duty by letting the girl know, leave the man alone and simply walk away from the situation. Again if this girl wants to fight or act a fool in public to prove that she is someone, you as the woman should tell her that you have too much going for yourself to deal with such foolery. Trust me, you walking away may piss the girl off at this moment, and she may even get really loud, but she will have some alone time when she will feel the stupidity inside herself rise to her consciousness. She will regret the day she made herself look like that.

The point of all of this is that we’ve all been there at one point or another for the “supposed” love of our life, thinking that bashing the other woman into the ground is the answer. It is not, boys come and go, and I say boys because a real man wouldn’t put you through any of this in the first place. A real man knows the worth of the woman he has and wouldn’t want to jeopardize that for a girl anyway. Yes boys and men alike cheat, that’s nothing new. The difference is a woman will know what to do with the information once she’s presented with it, whether it’s too leave or to stay that’s her business, but she definitely won’t be taking the quandary that she has with her man up with the other girl. Just like boys and men stick together to conceal what it is they are doing in the first place, girls and women should take heed to that and do the same thing, and stop hating on one another because that’s the fuel a boy will use and has been using to separate us to this day.

Girl, get it together you never know when you will need another woman to help you, to listen to you, to buy your product or to speak good things about you to others. Come out of being a girl, and be the mature, intelligent woman that God called you to be! Be blessed women and love one another!

Written By: An Howard

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Thought of the Month- March 2012

Pursue the King

“I want to be rich.” “I don’t want to hurt anymore.” “I am so sick of being sick and tired.” “I just want to be free!” “I want more.”

Have you ever found yourself saying one of these statements? If so, you are at the right place at the right time.

When I think about my life, I can definitely say that these statements have been in my mind at one point or another. Far too often in life, we humans want more, but then do nothing to gain more. We desire to be free, but do nothing to capture our freedom. We get sick of our situations, tired of the company we keep, and yet still continue to gravitate to the exact place we want to be free from. Why? Simply put, we have not made up in our mind to move towards our destiny. We have become complacent in our mess. We allow where we do not want to be to consume our very thoughts, our emotions, and ultimately dictate our future. Misplaced thoughts and emotions can lead us to destruction. We can end down a road that was never intended for our lives.

What is your decision? Will you decide to move towards your destiny?

When I think about the story of Zacchaeus in Luke 19:1-10, I am drawn towards his actions to see Jesus. Jesus, on his journey to Jerusalem, was passing through Jericho. Zacchaeus had difficulty seeing Jesus because he was a short little guy, and the crowd was blocking him. Zacchaeus ran ahead of the crowd and climbed a sycamore tree. His very actions positioned him in the right place for Jesus to recognize him and call him by name. Jesus invited himself to Zacchaeus’ house. Despite Zacchaeus’ job as a chief tax collector, which caused him much isolation in the community, it did not stop his pursuit to see Jesus.

Zacchaeus did exactly what many of us need to do. We need to run out of our mess and climb to a higher level so that God can do his perfecting work in us. God is waiting on your decision to be made whole. God is waiting on your decision to come to a higher level in your thinking and decisions. The choice is yours.

God is looking for your run and climb. Show God you are ready to change, to be transformed in every possible way. Can God trust you with his precious gift? We want so much out of life, but do nothing to obtain it. Open up the source of your life, the Bible, and read what God says about you. You are destined for greatness, you are more than a conqueror through Christ Jesus, there’s excellency within you, and so much more. If only you truly know who you are, you would live your life boldly each day. God wants to come to your house.

Peace and Blessings

Written By: Kamilah Bywaters  

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Thought of the Month-January 2012

Possibilities of Love

As we journey through this thing called life, we will experience, encounter and feel some type of love in regards to a relationship between 2 love ones. Even if you you’ve never had a physical experience as an adult (virgin), you still have loved. It could have been a crush or just intimacy without the physical act of lovemaking. We all know and understand love. The symptoms for love are pretty much the same like universal law. The emotions are out of control and you can barely breathe or speak around that person, but you want them there all the time. Ahhhhhhhhh Brand New Love makes you feel like a little school girl/boy with pitter patters in your stomach, and the heart skips a beat in the chest. Love is one of the most astound feelings in the world. Love is like a drug because once you’ve had or have loved then you will want it all of the time. We put in our heads that this is something that we simply cannot and will not live without, so we cope and live with the possibilities of experiencing it over and over again.

With love comes the lost, forever ends! The euphoric love energy disperses and confusion along with bleakness sets upon the scene. There has been heartbreak rather it was a cheating spouse or love grown apart. Love lost is never an easy phase in life, but it is something we have to learn to compromise with. It hurts, there’s no doubt, but we must and can heal. Understand that time has to be the key ingredient to gather your thoughts, pride, emotions, and self esteem when love lost occurs. Healing takes place with time because without it you may not want to love again and you shut your heart down. You may shun anything that resembles love away, and vow that you will not allow yourself to feel that high again because the low is unbearable, so the ego kicks in. The ego goes into instant protection mode to help us stay strong and keeps your guards up. Now we are going through life with love’s cautionary disclaimer, and out of the blue you meet someone who cuts past the protection and the ego. You wrestle with the doorway of letting that euphoric feeling of love in again. Love is so forceful that it penetrates through all of this and walah, you’re back in love with new possibilities of love.

I myself just went through a faded love relationship. I took it better than what’s expected only because the love left years ago, and I forced myself to stay for reason of family. Looking back in the beginning years I have to wonder if love was what I was experiencing. It started out off with high emotions like most new love, but died off quick. Quicker than most new loves, now that I am looking back on how it all played out. I never told myself that I would shut down my heart, and be bitter, however I did tell myself that I would allow time to take place before I encounter my next love experience. Some things we just don’t control, it’s just determined. I can sincerely say that now as I am faced with the possibilities of new love. I am actually overjoyed over new unseen possibilities of love, and honestly being in an unconditional love bliss that supersedes any love experience that I’ve ever had in this life time before. I’m so ordained with the possibilities of love that I tell my friends and family that if I had a choice of having a million dollars to go back to the previous love or keep with my current conflicts and see what the possibilities of love brings. I would choose the possibilities without a second thought over a million dollars. I would rather be freely in love and be happy; not trying to make myself love someone that probably doesn’t really deserve it in the first place. You see, possibilities for me are a blank page that I can design myself and I will design it to what I want it to look like. I believe we can attract that certain someone that’s meant for us soulfully, and completely if we correct ourselves and place the correct type of energy out there. It will happen like a magnet, without our control but beautiful in every way!

So as I visit my past with love’s knowledge, I allow it to be my acquaintance and guide on what to avoid and let in when it comes to love. The present is setting the stage for the act to take place so preparation is in progress even though I’m not sure about the moment. My future is the definition of the possibilities of love that can so intensely flow in.

Ladies and Gentlemen let love in along with all the possibilities that follows with its entrance. Just because you may have loved then lost, doesn’t mean that love is over. Some of us have had many lovers or love experiences throughout our lives but its ok, take what you need from those experiences because it will eventually lead you to the Love Supreme.

Let all and any possibilities of love in this year because we have so much to look forward to in regards to love.

Written By: Ameenah Sharrieff

-Author of the book: How Do You Know You are Living (As Opposed to Just Existing) due out 2012

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Thought of the Month October 2011

Pondering the Greatness of God

I have never been married before nor have I seen examples of what a “good” marriage is supposed to be.  What I understand now is that God must be the foundation of any “good” marriage.  He SHOULD BE the foundation of EVERY marriage beginning with a personal relationship within each one of us.

Mentally; I have come a long way.  I have changed a lot…matured a great deal.  I’ve come from a place where I didn’t know or understand the concept of God; who He is or who I am in Him.

I thought I knew of Him, but looking back I had NO idea.  It is clear that sometimes we go through things that will draw us closer to Him.  All He wants is to be acknowledged first and given all the glory!

He has always been there, but we don’t realize it until we turn to Him and SEEK Him.

We have to LEARN to put our trust in Him and Him alone.

I’ve tried to the best of my ability to fix what has been broken, to change people, to manipulate situations for my desired outcome only to find that it was a waist of my time and efforts.

I thought when I started going to church over 2 years ago that my circumstances would change.  But, I was going not just because I loved God so when things were not changing, when people were not changing, I just stopped going…I failed the FAITH test.

Now I can not deny the true test was for me and I feel that I have been changed!  I have a relationship with the Lord that many would never understand and it is even more difficult for me to put into words.  How He loves us!

It was the CHOICE that I MADE to honor Him and trust Him that has made ALL the difference.

It is a daily walk, sometimes hourly.  I try to live better, be better, and do better…ALL to please Him.

I consult Him for everything from the minor to the most major life decisions and He is my ear when I am confused or feel saddened.  I allow the Spirit to lead me in ways that my human nature would never be tempted to go.  I used to make decisions based on my emotions which were ever changing like the wind.  I was up and down based on my circumstances, how people made me feel and what they did or didn’t do.

Today I have a choice and it’s the same choice everyday to try and live positively, to help people when I can and to let my Love and the Light of the Lord shine bright for all to see.

I’ve learned so much in these last several months and I wonder why people attempt life without a relationship with Him.  People say they believe, but their actions don’t reflect it.  I realize we are all human with a free will, but that can’t always be the excuse.

I so enjoy going to church as faith come by hearing the word.  I don’t wake up on Sunday asking myself, “will I go to church today?”  I’ve made up my mind that I JUST GO!!  And it is what I NEED.  I don’t wake up cursing because I am not where I think I should be in life or blame whomever for my shortcomings.  Oh, I could surely go down a list of complaints, but when we know better we should do better.  I thank God that I am not where I used to be and I am more thankful for His blessings put upon me big or small.  He has truly lifted burdens that neither I nor any man could ever have done.

So now here I am – torn.  A marriage on the verge of failure…

Something that I have also given to Him after a short game of tug of war…He won and He knows my heart.   I don’t understand what is going on or what the outcome will be, but I always felt that I was supposed to wait a little longer.  Lord, what is a little longer?

Believe me, in MY own mind it would have been a done deal long ago and part of me still feels like there is no hope.

If Faith is confidence and Trust is commitment… I have faith and trust in God for things to work out as He sees fit.  I know what he is capable of IN SPITE OF how things look on the outside.

It saddens me to think that the devil may be adding another failed marriage and family to his list of many, but I’m not writing all this to change minds or try and fix anything. Sorry if I don’t seem overly excited or anxious to make amends.  Past, present and future (Lord willing) I am going to be still in the Lord and he who can’t meet me where I am…I will leave where he is at.  I can tell you that there is water in the well, but I can’t make you walk over there and get a taste.

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

Written By: Anonymous

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Thought of The Month- May 2011

“Am I settling?”

In the average person’s quest for advertised happiness, we all have a host of “needs” and “will not excepts” when it comes to choosing a mate.  In our minds, these criteria are set, never to be ignored under any circumstance. But wait.  Somewhere along the way things have changed.  .

You’re out having a Martini with “the girls” and this handsome smooth talker has managed to penetrate your circle. He smells great, he’s saying all the right things, and he has you and your friend’s full attention. He’s in there. .

Fast forward to the getting to know you part. You’re looking for a man with a stable job, no kids, and great sense of humor, adores the Lord, has transportation, and owns a home (no renters please). The list goes on.
You will NOT tolerate a smoker, a drinker, an adulterer. You don’t like short men at all! You absolutely will not put up with a COWARD that would put his hands on a woman! “And girl!” He better be packin’!

In exploring this fresh and new chapter of your life, you start to discover “chinks” in his armor. Yes, he works every day, but your semi ashamed of him working at the tire store, yet he is pretty funny. As for the no kids thing, “he only has two, but at least they’re with the same mother”, you rationalize. It turns out he smokes, but only on occasion, and outside in the backyard only.

Now there comes a point where you’re balancing, rationalizing, making excuses for, and trying to convince yourself that he’s really an ok guy FOR YOU. After all, what else is out there? He’s still funny and cute. His sweet fragrance still lingers in your sheets, and on your clothes.  None the less, you are now always wondering. . “Am I settling?”

Written By: Xavier

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Thought for the Month-April 2011

High Expectations of a Man from a Single Woman

Do you ever question God by asking “why am I still single?” Yea that’s what I did the other night. I tell myself every night “girl you’re hot!!! You can have any man that you want. Girl you go make a wonderful wife. I know I’m the bomb can’t no one tell me nothing”.

So I’ve been on a few dates and realized I really want love. I get tired of seeing all these ladies with men. They’re holding hands and kissing in public. So once again I say, “God I want that. Why don’t I have a man like that? I want to be wine and dined. I want shopping sprees and vacations. I want a man with a 401 k plan”. So I get on my knees that night and I pray hard. When I say hard I mean I’m telling God he has to have a job and a car. You know the whole works.

A few days later I meet Mr. Right at least that’s what I thought. Yea he had a job alright at the local taco shop on the corner, and then has the nerve to have this raggedy Honda with an alarm. I said, “God this isn’t what I prayed for is this a joke? Am I on a hidden camera show?” REALLY?  So now I’m mad because he keeps calling my phone and texting me, now I have to download a privacy app to block him. Ok so let me try this again.

I’m on my knees again, so I’m praying and I’m praying but I feel good about this one. I’m going to call all my friends and brag, yea I got a catch this time. So Jason that’s what we will call him has a good job and a nice house came and picked me up in this in this silver Chrysler 300. This tall sexy, chocolate, and intelligent man. He made Tyrese look like a has been.  So he treats me to a nice lobster dinner and that good wine. Now it’s time for the check, and he says, “Awe man I left my wallet at home you think you can flip the bill and I’ll pay you back when I take you home. So I said, “flip the bill, this bill 250.00 no problem let me go to the bathroom I been holding it all day.” I dipped out on him. Oh so now you say I’m wrong for this, well let me tell you this. He asked me out, and although he has the money what idiot leaves his wallet at home? Who does that? Lord why do I get these jerks?

The point I’m trying to make is that we as single women have our expectations way too high. We never want to look outside the box. We find every little thing wrong instead of seeing “the right” about him. We pray and pray, but when God send us what he wants us to have it’s a problem then we cry “Lord why oh why?” Single ladies we need to tell God what we want, but we also need accept what God brings us. No man is going to be perfect, but if God can accept our flaws then why can’t we accept a guys? Now I’m not talking about accepting drama that’s a whole other topic.

So sit and think about that ex of yours, and it doesn’t have to be a recent ex it could be one from 10 years ago. I bet you can name all the wrongs about this man. Heck, I can write a book on my mine and I bet you it will go to the best sellers list, but then you see this man and he has it going on, if you could have just been patient. Now the dusty Nikes are clean Stacy Adams. He attends church has an honest paying job and now have a wife and kids. I bet you’re saying that could have been me, but I was shame to take him around my friends. So you missed out.

Ladies lets rethink our expectations and ask God to forgive us for being picky on his choices. God isn’t going to send us a nobody. He is going to send us someone that we can grow with. Well I end it with this, us single women sure do have high expectations. I’m in rehab for mine. You want to join?

Written By: Jae McGee

©2011

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Thought of The Month   June 2010

Regarding relationships: Do you think “The One” for you would know they are “The One”? This question corresponds with my poem “In the Meantime” (under Latest Poem tab). You have a main person that you are dealing with, but then you may have a meantime person who you deal with as well. You don’t really think the meantime person is “The One” because somewhere in the back of your mind you think the main one is “The One” for you. If you think that then why don’t they know that? Wouldn’t some type of bell go off in both of your heads at the same time or shouldn’t both people involved just have a feeling that this is the one person on earth that I was made for?

This is a question I’ve asked a few of my friends and they didn’t seem to know either. The guys didn’t really seem to believe there was only one person for someone, but the women did. So is this is a gender type of feeling? Perhaps only women feel like there is one person that they are supposed to be with because women are more likely to be in a monogamous relationship more than men??

This topic was even brought up at bible study one night. The topic was about marriage and relationships. A girl stood up and asked,”What do you do if you know someone is “The One” for you, but they don’t seem to know it yet? Everyone including the pastor kind of giggled because it was funny the way she said it, but then the room got serious as everyone started contemplating the question, and how real it was. I’m sure in all of our minds we all were thinking about a person who was in our lives or that we are currently dealing with who we thought or think is “The One” for us. So her question was actually very thought provoking.

After the giggles subsided, the pastor finally ended up saying, that her question was a good one, he contemplated it some more for a second then said, “Well you can’t do anything I guess, if you’ve already told them what you think, and they don’t see it or don’t want to believe it. All you can do is wait for God to tell them, and He will be the one to tell them if they are truly “The One” for you”.

You can tell the girl wasn’t too pleased with the answer; none of us were actually because we just knew for sure that he was going to have a very biblical response or say something very profound. Being that he didn’t have either response we all expected, tells me that this is one of those questions that no one can really answer. One can only speculate about it.

I for one do believe that there is ‘The One’ out there for everyone, but I also believe that not everyone will find that person. I think when life happens you end up being with someone, even if you didn’t think they were the one at first. If they meet most of the qualities you’re looking for, we settle.

Settling is not necessarily a bad thing because I think the best relationships can come from settling. If two people love, respect, honor and adore one another I believe a relationship can last a lifetime based off just those things. I also think that once you have that from a person in your life, you no longer look for ‘The One’ because you figure if he/she was really ‘The One’ they would have showed up before this other person ever did.

If we take non-American traditions into consideration where in certain cultures marriages are arranged, those two people didn’t necessarily start off thinking that person was ‘The One’ for them, but due to their cultural circumstance they ended up together and grew to love one another and changed their minds 20 yrs. later believing that that person was truly, undeniably ‘The One’ for them.

So don’t fret, ‘The One’ is out there. Just leave your mind and your eyes open to all possibilities because he/she may not come the way we envisioned them, but they will come! Be blessed!

AnHoward

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Thought of The Month-January 2010

I know that many of you have probably received this email a few times over, but with the new year starting I felt like everything said in this email  needs to be reiterated.

By T.. D. Jakes

There are people who can walk away from you.
And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk.

Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.The bible said that, “they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us.” [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay.
Let them go.

And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead.. You’ve got to know when it’s dead.

You’ve got to know when it’s over. Let me tell you something.. I’ve got the gift of good-bye. It’s the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye.. It’s not that I’m hateful, it’s that I’m faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He’ll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don’t need it. Stop begging people to stay.
Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn’t belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to……LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains …….LET IT GO!!!

If someone can’t treat you right, love you back, and see your worth……LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you.LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge….. LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction….LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents…LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude….LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better……LET IT GO!!!

If you’re stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him…..LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship……LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won’t even try to help themselves….LET IT GO!!!

If you’re feeling depressed and stressed …….LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying ‘take your hands off of it,’ then you need to……LET IT GO!!!    ‘The Battle is the Lord’s!’

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Thought of the Month-December 2009

BUT IT IS FOR THIS, THAT YOU WERE BORN…

“Now is my soul troubled; and what shall I say? Father, save me from this hour; but for this cause came I unto this hour.  Father, glorify Thy name. Then came there a voice from heaven saying, I have both glorified it, and will glorify it again.” John 12:27-28 (KJV) Our Text: John 12:23-28 (KJV)

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Thought of The Month-November 2009

So as you noticed from my other thoughts, I like talking and debating about relationships it’s a very interesting topic to me. I read books and articles, discuss, and listen to people talk about their many relationships they’ve had over the past or the current ones they are in. What I’ve noticed is that there are so many books written and studies done on the subject, that I think as mankind we will never fully fathom the importance of establishing and cultivating good, healthy relationships in our lives. Every relationship from the time that we are born will affect us in some type of way either negatively or positively. This includes our relationships with our parents, friends, boyfriend/girlfriend, co-workers, etc. Sometimes when you think you’ve had a negative experience, years later you can look back and find the positivity in it or a life lesson that was learned.

Unfortunately a great number of people don’t take their negative experiences and learn from them. Instead they create and stay in bad relationships because of their past experiences. Of course this is not healthy, but what else is that person supposed to do if they’ve had nothing but unhealthy relationships since they were born, is what some would ask? This creates generational curses, which is  defined in Webster’s as an evil that has been invoked upon one. This “evil” can be anything that is past down from one generation to another in a family, basically keeping a bad tradition going. So sadly if you are not or don’t become a child of God you will never see this curse for what it really is; therefore you will never know how to stop the cycle.

I know a lot of people in my life that had/have terrible relationships with their parents, which is really strange to me growing up with 4 great parents of my own, but not strange enough for me not to be compassionate towards it or understand it. Either they’ve had bad experiences with their mothers not being good mothers or not being in their lives at all or the most typical experience of growing up with a father that was in the household, but never contributed to their kids upbringings or not having a father around at all. In these situations often times other people in our lives step up and try to take on these roles such as aunts, uncles, older siblings, or step parents. Even when this happens, we as people still feel a sense of abandonment because someone has left us and made us feel unwanted.  We may grow up and seem okay on the outside, but to our dismay that situation created a bad experience in our life that has or will show up in our relationships with others.

I recently had a conversation with a woman that fits perfectly into one of these categories. She’s never seen or had good relationships around her; therefore contributing to her complete ignorance about the men in her life. Looking in from the outside this person seems to have it all together: career, finances, car, home, etc., but to talk to this person about their relationships with men you would soon can that idea of her having it together. Have you ever met a very intelligent person as far as book smarts, and all together can talk a good talk, but didn’t have the good common sense God gave to all of us? It amazes me that people can walk around and live life without common sense. Well regrettably a lot of women seem to not have this or lose it when they get involved with men, which traces back to their many failed relationships.

People like this are missing something or feel as if they’ve missed something, which goes back to that abandonment issue. This issue is serious and causing a lot of women to be left unmarried and unwanted. We either hide our abandonment issues by being too head strong or so independent that a man doesn’t know where he fits in or how he will fit in or we lose all common sense and let men walk all over us because we feel we need him in our lives, and will do anything to keep him or will allow him to do anything to us. Some men can smell these issues from the time they meet you and will prey on those weaknesses.

That’s how I feel about this woman. I feel that she gives too much of herself away to a man, she’s the type that loses herself in a man, and the men she meets knows this. We all know those women. One day she has girlfriends that she hangs out with and talks to, the next day she gets a man and you don’t hear from her until they are fighting or have broken up. She stops doing things for herself, and now everything she does is for him. I’m not saying that taking care of your man is not right, but there needs to be balance in your life at all times with or without a man.

I think for this particular woman and for a lot of women when we feel that we are losing our self identity in a relationship, we need to sit back and wonder why. Why am I acting like this? Why do I allow him to treat me this way? I bet if we did this, the answers were looking for could be answered from our own autobiographies. Our past relationships would tell the whole story. Benedict Spinoza (A Dutch Philosopher) said it best, “If you want the present to be different from the past, you have to study the past”. Sometimes we have to do our own self examination to determine what we need and why feel we need that. We often want things or a person in our lives to justify another feeling we have such as abandonment. If we can’t rationally justify a particular relationship in our life, that’s a clear sign that we obviously don’t need it nor should we be in it. Get out while you can or don’t even enter one until you know who you are and understand your worth!

Be blessed ladies, take care of yourselves and let God heal you from any past relationships, and any generational curses that may be following you, so that He can bring us to the healthy relationships He desires us to have. I will get on the men in my next thought.

Written By: An Howard

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Thought of The Month-September 2009

Dr. Jamal-Harrison Bryant

Words from Pastor Jamal Harrison-Bryant:

I often warn women who are contemplating marriage to marry someone who
can take care of them. When a woman marries, it ought to be to someone who
is capable of taking her to the next level. If she comes from poverty, there is no reason for her to get married and still be impoverished. The role of the man is to take her to another place.

When she gets married, she ought to dress better, drive better, live better, and eat better, not constantly be in a struggle over where her next meal is coming from. My grandmother used to say, ‘I can do bad all by myself. For a woman desiring a mate, the objective, of course, would be to find a Christian man, who’s settled, has goals, accomplishments and a job. But a goal-oriented and focused man can’t just be approached any kind of way. So the woman who seeks this type of stability must make sure that he stands out above the crowd:

1. Make sure your relationship with the Lord is strong and growing.

2. Make sure that you are presentable. Working from the inside out, your
presentation should be representative of both who you are and whom you
seek. Appearance is a reflection of how you see yourself.

3. Have the ability to hold an intelligent conversation.

4. And most importantly, allow the Holy Ghost to take control. You
don’t need to go after him. He’s going to come after you, because after he
sees and smells you and knows that you’re in his presence, he’s going to
want to know who you are! I know there’s somebody reading this who has been
chasing after the ‘man of your dreams,’ but God says, ‘Just sit still and allow
patience to have her perfect work through Me. ‘

Furthermore, it’s never a good idea to be too forward and too aggressive. Attempting to win a man’s affection by jumping into bed with him will only backfire and cause him to lose interest in ever developing a lasting relationship. It causes him to lose respect for you and question your character.

However, if he sees that you are dressed with quality, that you smell like you are somebody, that you look like you’re doing fine without him, then that will attract the right attention from him. He’ll have no choice but to give you his attention. Stop looking so needy, climbing into bed, trying in vain to capture a man’s heart.

God woke me up in the middle of the night and said, ‘The same thing that Naomi told Ruth to do is the same thing that I want them to do for me.’

God is so sick of saints coming to Him trying to get a quickie and
never romancing Him for Who he is – going to church screaming, shouting and hollering, but hadn’t been intimate with God all week long! Stop trying
to treat God like a sugar daddy and start romancing Him with worship and
praise: ‘I’m yours Lord…everything I’ve got…everything I’m not!’

The God we serve, which is the God of love, demands and requires of us
foreplay before He gives us what we need. In the book of Ruth, the mother-in-law tells Ruth, ‘You have to wash.’ John 15:3 reminds us, Now ye are clean through the word which I have spoken unto you. When you sit in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, you are taking a shower. When you hear the
unadulterated Word of God, then the dirt and grime that you’ve
accumulated all week long begins to wash off of you.

Ask God to ‘create in you a clean heart and renew a right spirit.’

Stand in the word. Then wait upon the Lord to renew your strength. Pass
this on to those who have found or are seekin Mr. Right. This message is
not directed at the receiver, it is directed to women I know that touch
other young women that can benefit from this information. We are to be
Naomi’s of the world today. Our young women need to be informed of how to catch and keep a man that will respect them.

“If he can’t meet you where you are….leave him where he’s at.”

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 Thought of The Month-August 2009

Failure does not prevent success. In fact, failure is what leads to success.

There is no failure, no disappointment, no mistake in your past that can stop you from taking a positive step forward right now. No matter how many times you may have fallen short of the mark before, success is closer than ever.

Each time you get it wrong, you learn more about how to get it right. Keep putting that growing knowledge and experience to use, and you’ll reach your goal.

Every disappointment you’ve ever known is now in the past. The past is over and cannot hold you back.

Now is when you’re able to move forward. Today you can take the valuable lessons you’ve learned and transform them into effective action.

Every step you’ve taken, whether it seemed to work or not, has brought you closer to success. Now go ahead and take the additional steps that will bring you all the way there.

– Ralph Marston

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 Thought of the Month-September 2008

What makes a person cheat?

The main question everyone who has ever been cheated on would like to know is, why? What makes a person cheat? I have a lot of guy friends that I’ve known for years, and we always have these type of discussions. As a woman I like to hear from a man’s point of view the reasons he has or why he would cheat on his lady? I’ve heard every answer possible from; not getting it enough at home to the other girl was fine and I couldn’t resist, and even I dont think monogamy is natural! (Can you believe that one?)

I don’t have many female friends who will admit that they’ve cheated on someone, and if they have, they haven’t shared their reasons why they did with me. I know why I’ve cheated on guys in the past, I was young and mentally immature. I can admit that. I didn’t know what it took to have a successful relationship, and I couldn’t see myself being with that person forever anyway. Now that I’m older, and I do want to settle down I can’t think of a reason that I would cheat. I feel like if the reason is you’re not happy, just leave! It’s really that simple. There’s no need to string the other person along while you wait to decide if you’re going to stay or not. Plus, there are way too many diseases out there, and I’ve learned that you have to work at what you want…nothing good comes easily. Tell me your thoughts on this topic?

Written By: An Howard