It’s Called…     

It’s sweet as a ripe tangerine
hanging from a branch from it’s tree.
It’s as simple as white linen dancing on a line in the summer breeze.
It speaks boldly, assure of itself
Not needing assurance from anyone else.
It moves you to want to do better.
It even gets clever at times when it wants to express how it really feels.
It’s presentation is beautiful, showing differently with each heart beat
It endures and it’s never defeated.
It smiles brightly in the morning sun,
and winks when the moon rises and the day is gone.
It laughs often because it’s never upset
So many times it’s power is easy to forget.
The fragrance of it’s soul is like a mere rose, whose petals never fall off.
It keeps breathing through thick and thin
It never fails, but always wins.
It’s unconditional, simply irresistible, unselfish and gives it’s all,
never wanting to fall.
It puts its full trust in you
making you want to trust it too.
It listens like an old oak tree
never moving by what you say to it,
giving back its wisdom in its silence.
It forgets all wrongs and forgives all pains.
It’s unwavering kindness washes like the rain.
Peaceful and pure like a dove
This wonderful thing… it’s called LOVE!

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     Exit Stage Left

The road to nothingness wasn’t apparent at first
With the story being told that they would someday be together.
That day was never going to happen, but she was the fool who believed in love.
A love that she thought was so electric which was the reason the two could never part.
Not knowing that he shared that same electricity with other women and she was merely a scene from his movie.
She was never the main character or even a reoccurring actress who would be cast another great role.
From the lies that he read so well from his script she couldn’t tell when he was acting or when he was being real.
He never said he wanted to be a movie star, but as she found herself wound up in all of his different characters she no longer knew the difference between being on stage with him and being present in real life.
To her, he was her life, her real world and not just a figment of her mind.
She breathed his air and imagined the life they would live.
She took in every line and scene as he spoke and led her to believe in him.
Little did she know she was not written into any future scripts.
He wrote her in as a perfect person in which she was not, and when she fell short by life’s realities each time he would cast a new woman to play her part.
This always broke her heart.
She was used to it, breaking and being mended back together time & time again because he was so good at his speaking lines.
After all, one of his characters was a sales person, selling his tongue to convince other women that he was the one for them too.
So many faces like a Gemini, which one do you believe or which two?
One day another man came on the set who was not an actor and swore off fake characters
He was just passing by and saw what looked like a movie.
He saw her, she did not have the lead role, but he knew she was a star in her own right.
He told her this and promised there would be no lines or any fake scenes in his life.
She would have the lead role, be the main character and the love of his life.
So she contemplated leaving this other role that she had been cast for almost 3 years, it was no longer satisfying nor was it paying any of  her bills.
One day she handed the one she thought was the love of her life her walking papers and she fired herself from her own pathetic side role.
She told him she had been cast as the lead in a better movie called Real Life and this man was going to love her all the way to her soul.
She exited stage left not knowing what her future held, but she finally was able to be real with love and loved the way that it felt.
The show was finally over.
No more smiles just for the camera,
Or just to get by
they wore her each day now as natural as the sun rising and kissing the sky.

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Closer Than Ever

My dreams used to seem so far away
so unreachable,
almost unobtainable,
but now they seem closer than ever.
Right at my fingertips…
all I have to do is reach for the impossible
and grab what is waiting for me.
No one understands my story or
what I’ve been through to get here.
I can taste sweet success and victory
Now that I’m closer than ever.
The pain I endured to get to this point
seems so minute, so small in comparison
to what’s about to happen.
My past all seems well worth it,
but I can’t forget it
because it is what has made me

Closer than ever.

Just a few more tears that I may have to drop
just a few more…
to get to my God given spot.
Hurt and suffering I’ve had to overcome.
I may have some more hurt before I win this war,
but I know that each trial will make me

Closer than ever…

to who I want to be
to whom I’m supposed to become.
Because closer than ever is where I will become.

An Howard

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Just A Sip

I love the way u take me in as if I was fine wine,

slowly u sip me up and grab my behind.

You eat me up as if u were hungry,

so I feed you all of me

and intensely you give me all of thee

…every inch, and you reach my every curve

with the sweet whispers of every verb

you enunciate into me.

You take your time

and let time unwind naturally

as we enjoy each other physically and even emotionally.
An Howard

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My Words

Sometimes my words are all that I have

in this empty place called life.

I use them to express my happiness

or my strife.

No one has to understand them but me

because my words, they are me.

Depending on the day

you just never know what I might say.

Sometimes my words are funny and full of joy,

and other times they are full of

anger that I need to deploy.

Whatever the mood or day

My words help me express what

I need to say.

because my words, they are me.

Sometimes I’m speechless verbally,

but best believe that I’m writing

something down in my head silently.

Never a dull moment with my words

that’s for sure…

I’m either saying something I shouldn’t be

or having people wanting to hear more.

because my words, they are me.

Whether my pen is to a pad

or my fingers to a keyboard

my thoughts turn to words

helping me to move from the past forward

My words, they are going to lead me

to who I will be

They are going to open up doors

and plenty of opportunities

guiding me to my purpose and destiny

because these words, my words, they are me!

An Howard

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Figment of My Imagination  

I used to be in love with a figment of my imagination

A silhouette so perfect, but it was only in my consciousness

Someone that all of my hopes and dreams had swallowed up and created,

but to know it wasn’t real was too hard to face

So I kept envisioning that this someone was tangible and would prove me right one day.

I disguised this being as if I had drawn him myself.

He had the characteristics of the man of every woman’s dreams.

Like an imaginary friend this figment was all that I needed.

Until he showed himself true,

and out of the blue

I realized the life I had been living with my fantasy was what I really wanted,

but one he could never deliver.

I was in love with something in my mind,

nevertheless it still hurt when I had to end it because he was definitely one of a kind.

You’re not who I thought you were or who I thought you could be,

you were a creation that was made up to me.

In my subconscious, I will always love him,

but his validity will never be proven true.

Because he was just a figment of my imagination…so sad, but true.

An Howard

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Unsettled Feelings in the Sky

As the plane flies in over the city      
You head back to your life.
One, you really aren’t too interested in.
The lights below indicate that someone
lives down below
and you wish it wasn’t you.
The cars look like ants going to and fro,
a constant traffic of life happening.
How you wish the traffic in your life would land itself
on another tarmac,
in a different time zone.
Then how long would it be until
you wanted to leave that place?
Your life seems like such an unsettled mess,
and the question you ask yourself,
how do you settle something that you’re not sure
you even want to be a part of?
To be a part of something such as life
which is so big,
and you feel so minute, so unimportant in the larger
scheme of things.
If you weren’t on this plane coming back
to a place called home
would anyone even notice?
In a world where everyone is so easily replaceable
Does anyone even matter?
At the time you think they do,
but when they don’t show up
you just find someone
to take their role in your life
filling up that space
as the missing person once did.
The plane’s tires finally touch down
You feel the rubber hit the pavement
with it, so does your hope
of not being here, at this place, at this time.
But you go on, just like you once did
with the same unsettled feelings you had in the sky.
An Howard

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SEASONS

The Summer’s sun has brightened my days                               

Just enough to forget about you,

But not long enough to stop loving you.

Now the Fall is nearing and the leaves will fall,

And so will my tears if I don’t receive a call from you.

The phrase, “time heals all wounds”, I pray to be true

Because this time I don’t think I can live without you.

Winter will be the hardest, as the snow leaks from the sky and covers the ground.

Reminding me of how your body used to cover me.

The birds will no longer chirp, and the wind will whirl

And I will snuggle up alone remembering when I was your girl.

The seasons will change, and life will keep going,

I will be aware of that change because I just can’t seem to get past the season of you.

An Howard

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Refurbished

Breathing is essential to living
If you are not breathing, then you are dying,
this then leads to death.
I once died, but my master who created me
brought me back and refurbished me.
He took what was old in me and used it for my destiny…
Predestined me is what He did.
He used the pain that I’ve endured to show me that I can live.
He told me that without the storm there would be no rain,
and without the hurt there would be no gain.
To be refurbished you have to be taken apart
you have to lie exposed so that He can see your heart.
All that you’ve kept hidden will be right there under the light
waiting for the critics to judge you
like they are so right,
but He is the great orchestrator of our souls
who wants to refurbish us to make us whole.
So refurbish, renew, re-do, remake
I know in me he made no mistakes.
Go ahead Lord and refurbish me
reclaim my mind, so that I can be free…
from the bondage the enemy has placed me in
This is a spiritual war between good and evil
and I want the Lord to win.
So please refurbish me.
An Howard

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Anonymous

Anonymously you tell me you love me
but you don’t even know me
if you don’t even know me?
In a letter sent USPS
sittin on my desk
you spill your most inner thoughts about me.
You tell me who I am,
but yet I don’t know who you are.
You say that you knew you would love me
from the first time we met,
you love the way I smile,
and the way my nose crinkles up
when there’s something I don’t get.
You love how passionate I am
about the issues that matter most to me.
You love that I’d rather write than sit
for hours and watch TV.
I pause and wonder who you are
who could this possibly be,
and how do you know so much about me?
I continue to read, and you go on to tell me
how beautiful you think I am,
and how much you would love one day
if you could be my man.
I then begin to look around
to see if this is a joke.
Who would write such nice things in an anonymous note?
You continue to share with me how much you know about me,
my likes and dislikes and even some of my dreams.
Usually I would find this kind of thing a little weird,
but somehow I find your letter quite flattering.
You say that you can’t understand why
I’m with this other guy.
When he can’t do anything for me, but continue to lie.
And all you would do is love me continuously.
You don’t want to interfere, you’d rather win me
fair and square.
So in the background you will stay
anonymously loving me every day.
Signed, The Creator of Your Life

An Howard

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Prayer for Haiti -2010

Dear God we need you, there’s been another tragedy in the land
a land that was already poor and forgotten by most man.
It took seconds for the quake to hit,
seconds for lives to end,
but you are more mighty than the water and the wind.
So we know you will build Haiti up again.
Rubble and rock fell hard to the ground.
People were living and laughing one moment,
but now they are nowhere to be found.
We’re asking you Lord to look upon Haiti right now.
Let your grace and mercy from heaven come down.
Bless and heal the lives that were saved,
and let your touch be felt even by the ones now in their grave.
Our tears fall here in America
our hearts reach out across the North Atlantic
we all wish we could be there to help calm some of the panic.
Many are asking why,
but you are sovereign and need not reply.
You spoke of these types of disasters to come
but do we listen, No we’re too busy having fun.
We hear you Lord, now more than ever
from the tsunami’s to the levees breaking, and now the
calamity in Haiti were the ground was shaking.
So many have died God,
so many are still lost.
Many are so desperate to find their loved ones
they’ll pay any cost
Bring us, your people together
to help this havoc stricken place
Bless us to donate money, our prayers, and plant compassion upon our face.
Lord we thank you in advance, for the things we know you are going to do.
bringing love, hope and faith back to people and for helping Haiti too.
Amen.

An Howard

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Beauty From Ashes

From amongst her beauty/Came the ashes of despair/All the things that tried to break her and take her there.
Like the dark charcoal that lied on the ground/This was beauty that came from her ashes/ and inside her, a woman was found.
Once dark like night/Her soul cried out/Beige then crept in/then there was the white light again.
It took pain to get her there/hurt to make her care/Ashes to unveil her pride/Beauty was the last thing hiding inside.
Beauty rises from pain/like the hot air balloon in the sky/It takes so much fire to get it to rise that high.
You ask what is my beauty?/It’s all of my qualities/It’s becoming the woman God said I was/and who He said I was destined to be.
Ashes are like the dust left behind/They are hard, crisp, and burnt/They are anger, bitterness, and resentment/From these ashes I have learned.
I’ve learned that deep inside even the beautiful cry/Pain can run deep/But just like these ashes/Pain and hurt don’t always mean defeat.
My beauty rose from my ashes/It was the crumbs I left behind/because of this I have learned to be a woman/Not just for now, but a woman for a lifetime!

An Howard

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In the Meantime

So in this thing called dating
you always have that main person you want, but can’t have right now
due to a situation that they’re in or you’re waiting on them to get right
or to change careers or get their degree or just be the person you know they can be
or more like, who you want them to be because you see their potential….
So in the meantime you have others
who you play with or let take you out, wine you and dine you,
but you know ultimately that is not the person you
see yourself walking down the aisle with…
We’ll call that person the “meantime” man or woman.
You don’t see yourself with this person
because in your mind you have already imagined your life
with the Main One you’re waiting on…
In the meantime, Mr. or Ms. Meantime fulfills you just enough
that you’re not lonely, they satisfy the obvious needs,
but not that deep satisfaction of love that you crave and want
So what do you do?
Is it even right to sit around and wait for somebody that is basically not the person for you?…
I mean think about it…
God is not a God of mistakes or confusion, so if that Main One is really for you
You wouldn’t need to wait for them to change or get their situation in order
God will bring them to you correct from the start, knowing your every need and desire.
Even if they aren’t everything, they will be once God is done growing them
or He will change you to believe that they are everything you need…
By you waiting for that Main One to get right what you’re essentially saying
is that the Main One is not who want them to be “yet”, which in hinds sight
means maybe that person is not for you at all…
Who knows when that “yet” will ever come or if it will…
So waiting on that person would be a mistake because if they only get right for you and not themselves they will never live up to that potential that you thought you saw
and wanted them to have so badly.
And If the Main One is in a situation that causes the two of you not be together
then that is definitely confusion that God wouldn’t have brought you to,
which will continue to brew and show itself throughout your relationship…
So maybe Mr. or Ms. Meantime is right on time, and you just need to give them a chance
We may have overlooked the great qualities that person has because we had our eyes set
on a different prize…being that Main One, but if they’ve stuck around and let
you use them which they knew you were doing all along, but were fine with it because
they were happy just to have a piece of you, then perhaps you should take a second look
at Mr. or Ms. Meantime…
That may be the person who loves you the deepest, the person who would do anything for you, the person who sees and knows that you aren’t perfect, but they don’t need to wait
for you to get right because they love you just as you are…
Could it be, that they were the Main One you’ve been waiting for all along???

An Howard

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*This is dedicated to the guys who think they are players…watch out, it can be turned around on you!

Heavy Rotation 

Disk one through six
which slot do you have me in?
Heavy rotation
is what you got me in…
with all of your girls that you say are just friends
Friends they are not
because in their mind they think they
are in your number one slot…
Which is what I thought
until I peeped game on you
You can’t play a real woman boo
I know all about rotation,
and how you out there chasin
trying to put every cute bootey into
your heavy rotation.
What are you a disk changer?
Ready to flip a new disk in
every chance you get
please that’s so pathetic
I can’t stand to think…
how many new disks you put into
rotation within a week.
Can we say nasty…
I mean that’s not even classy.
Have some dignity,
and not to mention integrity
Being a hoe is not cute, not even for a man to me.
You demand respect, but that you have to earn
It doesn’t come for free.
Heavy rotation
got you complacent
not trying to strive for more
just wanna be a man whore
Two days a week your skipping through disk
One through four
The other days you slip in five and six
And have the nerves to call women tricks,
But I have a trick for you…
You wanna have me in rotation
There’s some new guys in my face
that are doing some heavy flirtation.
Let’s see how you like it when
Your disk two
Puts you into rotation…
Yeah that’s what I thought
Now who has the frustration?
Cus you’ve just been put into my heavy rotation

An Howard

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Who Am I?

Who am I, you ask?

I’m the future, the present and you’re past.

I’m that little black girl

that you said would never make it

I’m the one who you didn’t want your sons to look at

because you just couldn’t take it…

If he chose a black girl to be with, that is

with my chocolate skin, my perfect thick lips,

and oh yes my curvy, child bearing hips.

You tried to hold me down in my past, but my present stood

up and said, “Free At Last, Free At Last.”

Now I have the right to vote, and can make more money

than you.

A phenomenal woman I’ve become says a black Professor

named Maya Angelou.

I know you sit back in awe

wondering how did this get so out of control

The mother land you took me from, but my future you did not hold.

Who Am I, you ask?

Just look around, I’m everywhere now,

and if you don’t see one of me, I will soon be in your town.

I’m now the 44^th president’s wife, I’m a writer, a lawyer

and even own my own business, despite my strife…

That I’ve endured,

and the pain that your foot caused on my back.

Yes, you guessed it…I AM BLACK!

A black woman that is, no longer your mistress or your

maid, unless I choose,

but this educated, beautiful black

woman you can no longer abuse.

Who Am I, you ask?

I am all that you want your wives to be,

I’m the one they go tan to be dark like,

then have the nerve to critique me.

You get botox in your skin because I age so well

looking like I’m 30, but actually 50, you can’t even tell.

Is that collagen injected in your lips? Let me guess, soon

you’ll want my figure too, and inject that it into your hips.

A black woman you’ve held down for so long,

but want to be so much like.

What is it about me, that you love so much, but say you dislike?

Who Am I, you ask?…

I’m that little black girl

that you didn’t want your daughter to play with,

but now little Chrissy is chasing all the black men,

and white men she just doesn’t deal with.

You see how Hate doesn’t pay,

it always comes back around,

now you have little grandbabies that are light chocolate brown.

When will you realize God put us here in a rainbow of colors.

Now that I will be 1^st lady perhaps we can all be sisters and brothers.

Who Am I, you ask?

Why is that still the question…

Just read over my words again because I just gave you your daily lesson.

                An Howard